Gift of Grace
Lutheran Church

Listening Intentionally

One of the duties of every Christian and especially congregational leaders is to handle concerns and complaints of those connected with the congregation, members friends and community. To do this requires the gift of discernment and wisdom, which is a gift of the Holy Spirit. (1 Cor. 2: 15, 1 Cor. 12: 10)

Like all gifts, however, it is also a skill to be developed and exercised. It requires practice and learning.

The goal is to listen to people for the purpose of building up the body of Christ. Each person needs to know they are heard and understood. They need to know they are important. Your job and mine is to communicate that the best we can. We cannot, however, control whether it is actually communicated. That is God’s job.

Very practically here are some suggestions if someone comes to you with a complaint or concern:

1. Listen to them carefully. Say back to them what you are hearing to make sure you understand the concern. You can even say, “I want to make sure I understand you. You are saying….. Is that right?” You ought not to communicate that you agree or disagree with them. What is important is that you hear and understand their concern as best as you can.


2. Direct them to the appropriate person. If there is a concern about something in worship direct them to the worship committee. If there is a concern about the preaching direct them to the pastor. If there is a concern about the building direct them to either the beautification person or the maintenance person. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO TAKE THE PROBLEM ON YOURSELF.
   
3. If they are unwilling to go to the person to whom you have directed them follow these steps exactly:
   
   A) it is important to understand what it is that is preventing them from doing so. This is their concern. Either God has called them to address it or it is simply a matter of taste to them. In either case it is their responsibility and they need to speak for themselves.
   B) If in your estimation the concern is important and legitimate and if they are unable to approach the appropriate person themselves for what you consider a legitimate reason THEN, you can offer to go with them to the appropriate person in order to help the two of them resolve the issue.
   C) If they will not go themselves and they will not go with you and if you think it is a vitally important issue that must be dealt with THEN you can offer to approach the other person on their behalf making clear that this is what you will say, “ Joe Blow (you must name the person) has raised this concern with me. Could you please initiate communication with them so the two of you can resolve the issue
   
   D) If they are unwilling to participate in any of the above situations there is nothing more you can do for them. Your job has been done by listening carefully.

It is only harmful to give information to people in this manner: “Pastor a lot of people are upset about XXX” or “ I have heard people, I can’t say who, complaining about XXX” In these cases the person with the issue is not enabled to assume responsibility for their issue and the pastor cannot do anything to resolve the issue because the issue has not been unpacked with the persons concerned and therefore it remains too unclear.

The only exception to the above rules of thumb is in the case of alleged domestic violence or alleged pastoral sexual misconduct. In the case of alleged pastoral sexual misconduct the synod Bishop should be called at once it does not matter by whom. The call can be made anonymously and all precautions will be taken by the Bishop to protect the violated person.